Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just high enough for therapy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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