this beer tastes like vomit already
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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