I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
