no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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