don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
