I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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