he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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