peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
