I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
