im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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