The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
