i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
