Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
