i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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