Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
