I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
