drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
