I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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