i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
