Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
