You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
