Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
