Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Buhtt sex?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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