so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
