We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
