Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
