There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
