The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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