Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize