I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
