I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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