The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
