I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize