The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
