good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
COCAINE IS GR8
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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