***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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