I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
