i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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