either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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