Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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