After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
