I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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