My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
