You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
