Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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