as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
