i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
