So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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