I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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