Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize