he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
