what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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