She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
