i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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