last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize