Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
