kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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