why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
