we have officially lost it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize