It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
