i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I didn't notice because vodka
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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