i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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