member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
