guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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